eat your vegetables
I was sitting in the loo one day and was foiled by the inconvenience of technology. Pissed (literally), I wrote a short rant to my friends.
One of the most nefarious invention in my office is the motion activated light switch. That thing seems like a great idea except that it is located 5 feet away from the porcelein and due to a wall, it is untriggerable from atop the porcelein.
And someone installed a new sensor last week and the timer was set for 5 minutes. That's where things went horribly wrong.
Now I don't poo for 5 minutes. It takes me at least 10 minutes on a good day with fiber to get my business on. Usually I like to take 15 during my lunch break to relax and let it all out, so to speak. Unfortunately the lights don't think so. After 5 minutes, after what feels like seconds, the sensor will politely beep to let you know there's less than 1 minute left before it turns off the light.
Right around the 4 minute mark I am still heavy into my own business. So now I am left with a choice, start walking like a crab to the light switch and wave my arms frantically to get it to "reset" the 5 minute mark or to continue my business in the dark.
Well, I can't really do my business in the dark as someone might come by, see that the lights are off and try the door. And because it is locked they might think I passed out in there or worse. And then they will start breaking it down in an effort to "save my life". I very well can't say anything while on the toilet. Its just not done.
So I have no choice. I get up, waddle over and wave my arms until I see the little sensor blink green to indicate that there's a person in here. Then I waddle back to the seat and sit back down. Of course this only happens in a good day.
On a bad day, I have to do this twice. And there's nothing more annoying than waddling around not knowing if there's a little chocolate playing peekaboo out of your anal recesses.
So what's the lesson? Eat your vegetables. They have lots of fiber and are good for you. And it will save you from waddling all over a toilet waving your arms.
One of the most nefarious invention in my office is the motion activated light switch. That thing seems like a great idea except that it is located 5 feet away from the porcelein and due to a wall, it is untriggerable from atop the porcelein.
And someone installed a new sensor last week and the timer was set for 5 minutes. That's where things went horribly wrong.
Now I don't poo for 5 minutes. It takes me at least 10 minutes on a good day with fiber to get my business on. Usually I like to take 15 during my lunch break to relax and let it all out, so to speak. Unfortunately the lights don't think so. After 5 minutes, after what feels like seconds, the sensor will politely beep to let you know there's less than 1 minute left before it turns off the light.
Right around the 4 minute mark I am still heavy into my own business. So now I am left with a choice, start walking like a crab to the light switch and wave my arms frantically to get it to "reset" the 5 minute mark or to continue my business in the dark.
Well, I can't really do my business in the dark as someone might come by, see that the lights are off and try the door. And because it is locked they might think I passed out in there or worse. And then they will start breaking it down in an effort to "save my life". I very well can't say anything while on the toilet. Its just not done.
So I have no choice. I get up, waddle over and wave my arms until I see the little sensor blink green to indicate that there's a person in here. Then I waddle back to the seat and sit back down. Of course this only happens in a good day.
On a bad day, I have to do this twice. And there's nothing more annoying than waddling around not knowing if there's a little chocolate playing peekaboo out of your anal recesses.
So what's the lesson? Eat your vegetables. They have lots of fiber and are good for you. And it will save you from waddling all over a toilet waving your arms.
