holey scottevest!
I was browsing the web last week trying to find myself some nifty new pants ever since the cargo pants I've bought from Abercrombie started ripping from overuse. I've been using these babies for 6+ years and I haven't bought any significantly new pants since I went on a huge spree 8 years ago at Abercrombie, buying out nearly every cargo design they had then.
So I went to A&F to check out the new, evolved cargo pants that they had the last 7 years to perfect. And guess what? A&F must be goddamn intelligent design believers because their goddamn pants regressed in coolness. Where there used to be super nifty designs with like hundreds of pockets there's now like straightassed pants with one pocket for your right hand. If you wanted to put your left hand in a pocket, too bad, shove it down your pants.
Now, I'm a huge fan of pockets. I like pants with like 8+ pockets. I want to put my iPod here, my PDA there, my Jack Daniels in that pocket and so forth. So, disappointed, I looked around for a substitute, and that's when I found Ultimate Cargo Pants at ScottEVest. Now, when a man like me, sees the words "ultimate" with "cargo pants" it bears a second look. The only thing better than Ultimate is clearly "Penultimate" or "Fucking Ultimate" and they didn't have those in stock. So I checked out these Ultimate Cargo Pants and these pants have like 192837912 pockets. I mean wow! That's a lot of pockets! So I decided to order one.
Yesterday these pants arrived and I looked at them and thought "well these looks like some shitty pair of cargo pants" until I put it on. Let me tell ya, if you're the kind of lucky bloke that has a kinky girlfriend that likes to put her hands down your trousers pocket you'll be ecstatic. Because the only girlfriend that will be able to put all her hands down your pants is the Septulimbed Triple Breasted Whore of Nebulon V. If you don't have that kind of kinky girlfriend, at least you will be happy to know it will take your wife a while to find out which pocket you put your wallet in.
So, anyway, this pants are amazing right? Right?
Almost.
Today I wore them to work and found two serious flaws with them. One of them involves a seam on the right side that's not sewn properly. I thought it was another pocket at first so I stuck my fingers in it and let me tell ya folks, its apparently unacceptable to be groping yourself at work.
I did not know this.
Also the shin pocket on the right side (that's right they have a hidden SHIN POCKET) was not sewn properly. I put some coins into it and it fell through my pants, down my socks and into my shoe. So unless the plan is to use my shoe as another pocket, this isn't cool.
Of course at this point I'm slightly miffed because these babies cost me like a hefty quid. So I call them up intending to return it or yell at them or something. I get this lady on the line and I unleash unholy hell on her for shoddy workmanship.
Me: "Hi there I have a hole in the side of the pants that arrived yesterday"
Her: "Oh no problem, we'll send you a new pair, we'll pay for shipping"
Me: "OH YEAH WAIT UNTIL MY LAWYERS HEA... wha?"
Her: "FedEx already picked up today but it will go out first thing tomorrow. Is that ok?"
Me: "uh.. yeah I guess so. thanks"
Her: "No problem. Sorry for the inconvenience"
Me: "*mumbles* no problem issa not a big deal"
So, here I am, sitting in my holey pants which I was going to bring with me to Vegas tomorrow recording this magnificent moment of my glorious triumph over corporate America for posterity.
I hope those pants show up soon.
Goddamn Abercrombie.
So I went to A&F to check out the new, evolved cargo pants that they had the last 7 years to perfect. And guess what? A&F must be goddamn intelligent design believers because their goddamn pants regressed in coolness. Where there used to be super nifty designs with like hundreds of pockets there's now like straightassed pants with one pocket for your right hand. If you wanted to put your left hand in a pocket, too bad, shove it down your pants.
Now, I'm a huge fan of pockets. I like pants with like 8+ pockets. I want to put my iPod here, my PDA there, my Jack Daniels in that pocket and so forth. So, disappointed, I looked around for a substitute, and that's when I found Ultimate Cargo Pants at ScottEVest. Now, when a man like me, sees the words "ultimate" with "cargo pants" it bears a second look. The only thing better than Ultimate is clearly "Penultimate" or "Fucking Ultimate" and they didn't have those in stock. So I checked out these Ultimate Cargo Pants and these pants have like 192837912 pockets. I mean wow! That's a lot of pockets! So I decided to order one.
Yesterday these pants arrived and I looked at them and thought "well these looks like some shitty pair of cargo pants" until I put it on. Let me tell ya, if you're the kind of lucky bloke that has a kinky girlfriend that likes to put her hands down your trousers pocket you'll be ecstatic. Because the only girlfriend that will be able to put all her hands down your pants is the Septulimbed Triple Breasted Whore of Nebulon V. If you don't have that kind of kinky girlfriend, at least you will be happy to know it will take your wife a while to find out which pocket you put your wallet in.
So, anyway, this pants are amazing right? Right?
Almost.
Today I wore them to work and found two serious flaws with them. One of them involves a seam on the right side that's not sewn properly. I thought it was another pocket at first so I stuck my fingers in it and let me tell ya folks, its apparently unacceptable to be groping yourself at work.
I did not know this.
Also the shin pocket on the right side (that's right they have a hidden SHIN POCKET) was not sewn properly. I put some coins into it and it fell through my pants, down my socks and into my shoe. So unless the plan is to use my shoe as another pocket, this isn't cool.
Of course at this point I'm slightly miffed because these babies cost me like a hefty quid. So I call them up intending to return it or yell at them or something. I get this lady on the line and I unleash unholy hell on her for shoddy workmanship.
Me: "Hi there I have a hole in the side of the pants that arrived yesterday"
Her: "Oh no problem, we'll send you a new pair, we'll pay for shipping"
Me: "OH YEAH WAIT UNTIL MY LAWYERS HEA... wha?"
Her: "FedEx already picked up today but it will go out first thing tomorrow. Is that ok?"
Me: "uh.. yeah I guess so. thanks"
Her: "No problem. Sorry for the inconvenience"
Me: "*mumbles* no problem issa not a big deal"
So, here I am, sitting in my holey pants which I was going to bring with me to Vegas tomorrow recording this magnificent moment of my glorious triumph over corporate America for posterity.
I hope those pants show up soon.
Goddamn Abercrombie.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home