I wish I were...

Mad props (Koh Samet 2004)

Update on Giant Lady at Gym

Today the Giant Lady in Pink Slippers (that I stole) walked around the locker in a THONG.

I wanted to go up to her and waggle my finger at her and say

"No! Bad Giant Lady! Bad!"

But I was too scared of her giant-ness, so I let it go.

Stuff that scares me

I'm so very disturbed

Damn sien

Damn sien because I'm at home and its 9:52PM and I'm still WORKING on my computer.

By working meaning I work in spurts of 3 mins, and then I surf the web for 15 mins, which is SO COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

So during my non-work time I've:

1. Discovered a dog cuter than Bee (but sssshhhh don't tell her)
2. Developed an inexplicable Jap food craving
3. Signed up for a some crap card
4. Wished BFF were free to join me for rubbish session at DB to use our brand spanking new discount card
5. Googled Fei Yu Ching. Please don't ask me why I googled him ok? I don't understand it myself.

Damn sien.

bai.

Kanasai

Kanasai.

Just realized that the person stalking me is MYSELF.

I'm so sad now.

I'm a MOVIE STAR

My idiot brother set up a google analytics account which lets me see statistics about people visiting this highly informative and educational site and other relevant information about them like their credit card numbers and whether they shower on a daily basis (all I can say is... SHAME ON YOU!)

So I never really bother with it because I know how many people visit my site (about 237.8 million daily) so there's nothing to track. But I was kind of free today (aka busy but Procrastinating) so I checked it out.

Apparently there is like ONE DUDE who checked out like 20 PAGES! MaaaaaN.

I'm being stalked.

I feel like a movie star. I'm going to get a court order.

I hope its not my brother, that would greatly diminish my brightly shining movie stardom.

Last line says: 20+ plus pages, 1 person = STALKER!

Actually I've just discovered that I have 7 unique visitors: Brother, Betta, L, Freak, PJ, MyCoffee and one REMAINING ONE.. which has to be the... STALKER!!!!!

Rant: My Trip to Jakarta

KLIA, The World's Best Airport (My Big Fat Ass)

Went to jakarta just the other day via our Wonderful Kuala Lumpur International Airport where there is ONE (yes, only SATU, ONE, UNO, YI GE) exceedingly overpriced coffeeshop in the entire Terminal 1 for you to have a drink while you wait for your ONE HOUR delayed flight (an airline which shall remained unnamed, but I will refer to as 'MAS')

So there I was in the Crappiest CoffeeShop in the World (Harrods at Terminal 1, KLIA) where the waiters actually HIDE BEHIND THE COLUMNS so that they don't have to take your orders until you get up from your table and ambush them while they are trying to stay very very very quiet in hopes that you will just go away.

So I hunted the disgruntled waiter down who was so reluctant that he threw the menu on my table in a huff and glared at me. So after staring at it for about 20 minutes, I asked for water, just to piss him off. And so he said STILL or SPARKLING? And I was like what the (toot)? So I looked at him and said Whatever. Surprise Me. Go Crazy. Be Creative!

And this is what I got.

THE MOST EXPENSIVE WATER IN THE WORLD. RM 20 (US$ 6) for water with BUBBLES innit.

So I had to take a picture of it.

And then after that I had to resist going to the toilet for the longest time because it felt like such a waste.

So crap.

MAS - Our Cabin Crew is Pleasant, But Everything Else Sucks.

And then on the way back from Jakarta, I got hungry. I usually try to refrain from eating on planes, but its been a while, and I was ready to gnaw this nice looking chinese uncle sitting next to me, so I told myself, "Ok. How bad can it be?"

So the steward in a very ill-fitting suit the colour of bread mold came up. His name was PARTHIBAN. This name is important for reasons I will unveil later. Anyway, he went, "Chicken? Or Beef?" But when he said 'beef' he had a guilty look on his face, so I said "Chicken".

And so I uncovered my dish and yelled, " PARTHIBAN! Someone vomitted on my plate!"

Actually I didn't, but I really wanted to.

But I ate the chicken in the end -_-


EPILOGUE: WHY PARTHIBAN IS IMPORTANT

The reason PARTHIBAN is important is that it's been a few days since I got back from jakarta, but I still keep thinking about PARTHIBAN. I thought about how if I were to marry a German, and move to Germany, and had a son, I would then name him PARTHIBAN (all capital letters). This is because, in German, BAHN means BUS, and PARTHI mean PARTY. So if he ever had to pick up chicks, he would have this great set up line which is:

How would you like to join the PARTHIBAN.

I would make such a great parent.

Omg omg omg

Oh my god.... (chand-Ler BING!)

My blog was suddenly deluged with a barrage of comments in overwhelming response to a previous whiny post. I am finding it quite difficult to be suddenly thrust into the celebrity limelight and pray that I will not go down the Lindsay/Paris/Britney route of wild raunchy parties, underwear flashing, jail entering, "rehab" going... But I think with my inner strength, willpower and the force of goodness that is my heart will prevent me from going over to that DARK SIDE

-_-

I had such a bad day at the gym this morning. In the course of a few hours I was deluged by so many evil and murderous thoughts today that I fear for my soul.

One. The Old Man
My self esteem faced complete annihilation after being out-run, out-classed and out-staminaed by person who looks about the same age as, oh, Dumbledore. I cannot begin to describe how disheartening it is to be straining for your life at 10 kmph on the treadmill while a bent little old man merrily clips along 12 kmph. This resulted in my...

1st Murderous Thought of The Day: Lunging across my treadmill and rattling him by the neck screaming, "STOP STOp you DecREpit old MAn!!!!"

Two. The Very Tall Lady
After a disheartening run which was cut short after an ill advised attempt to play 'catch-up' with the pensioner (i.e. I ran too fast, and almost died) I headed for the showers. A Giant Lady (who was very tall) had left her nice pink slippers around the locker room. Of course I thought they were the common slippers. On hindsight I admit that there were a few glaring reasons why they would not be, i.e.

a) They looked very nice
b) They were pink
c) They had a name written on it in black permanent market (only upon closer inspection!!)

For some reason, the Giant Lady took offense that I had inadvertently stolen her slippers, took my shower in them and was pottering around the locker room with them. So this Giant Lady towered over me and said, " Those are MY slippers". So I meekly gave them back. It would have ended there, but NOooOOo... Giant Lady had to look at the Evil Horde of Middle Aged Aunties around the room and roll her eyes, and they all shared a very evil chuckle. Which was when I had my:

2nd Murderous Thought of The Day: Jumping on top of Giant Lady and beating her to death with her pink slippers screaming, "I WOULDN'T WANT YOUR GIANT SLIPPERS ANYWAY YOU GIANT LADY WITH GIANT FEET!"


Man... all this murder talk is making me hungry. I wonder if the Nice Secretary still has cookies.