So salah can die

In a disturbing turn of events, Sylar (the evil twisted mommy-boy in Heroes) has been cast as a young Spock in the next Star Trek movie!!!

Sylar? Spock? So salah can die...

I don't really know how to react to this nugget of information, and feel very distressed and confused re: Spock/Sylar connection which is WRONG and UNNATURAL. But on a VERY HAPPY note, LEONARD NIMOY has apparently agreed to reprise his role as Mistah Spock on this upcoming movie.

So in summary:

Reasons to be Happy :)
1. There is going to be a NEW STAR TREK MOVIE!!!!
2. LEONARD NIMOY IS GOING TO STAR IN IT

Reasons to be Sad/Confused
1. Sylar will be the young Spock

Aaargh this unnatural turn of events is driving me crazy.

Mad Props to the Dalai Lama

Homecoming: In 5 Parts

Part One: The Call

Dad: We've arrived.
Me: Ok
Dad: We lost a bag
Me: (without hesitation) Was my stuff in it??? (panic)
Dad: So typical
Me: What?
Dad: No they weren't. All your stuff is with us.
Me: Sweet. Ok. Bai!

(click)

Part Two: Family Does the Stress Test

So my dad went for this fancy schmancy "Leadership Course" which gets cool brownie points because it is held at Harvard, Berkeley, Stanford and UCLA (I'm overdosing from all the Ivy League name dropping). But anyway, he was suitably impressed and came back with a stress tester kit, which is something to clip to your ear, breathe deeply and think happy thoughts for about five minutes, and the computer tells you how good you are at calming your heart rate and just being generally the Dalai Llama (props to him) on a scale of 1 to a 100

Dad also told me that mom had already taken the test, scoring in the low 20s, idiot brother scored in the 40s and he himself had scored in the 60s, but COUSIN SISTER had scored a whopping 97!!!! So the competitive streak in me roused itself and I took the test, and scored a mega 98!!!! Which made ME... Optimus Prime.

Anyway, my disgruntled mother decided to take it again, claiming that the last time around my dad irritated her (by telling her to calm down) while she was taking it, and it was therefore corrupted data (or in statistics they say, an outlier). So fine, we let her take it. We clip it to her ear, play nice soothing music and dad and I wander off to the kitchen to get some (more) food. We come back, and stare at the computer. To which my mom opens her eyes and says:

"Ei, can get jee-lo one ah?"

To which I collapsed into a giggling wreck on the floor. My mom scored a ZERO!!!

'-_-

Okay lah.. not so funny when I tell it here, but its damn funny in real life ok!!!!

* Note: My dad being kiasu and took the test again and scored a 100, now HE is Optimus Prime. I write this in very small font, in hopes that nobody will read it, and I will then remain Optimus Prime for eternity


Part Three: Aftermath

Today, quite pleased with my brand new stain-free, hole-free, fray-free shirt, I decided to go to work with my hair down which would complete the sophisticated urban young working woman look. During the course of my journey to work, my hair decided to throw a wild rock party, so I strolled into office looking like a disheveled cavewoman. Tried to tame in it in the toilet with some water, but now I look like a disgruntled cat who has just unwillingly had a bath.

damn.

Google Translator and Me

Today, alice and chen hou are getting married. We are all really happy for them! A little bit terrified about the breeding prospects, but generally happy is a good description. Alice asked me to give my speech in Mandarin. My first reaction was of course, "Your Mother" followed by "Your Fat Butt" and "Dumbass" (I guess there is no translation for dumbass. Maybe stupid donkey). That was before I discovered the magic of Google Translate. Which is the source of the brilliant speech you are hearing today. So I'm really happy to be here. I'm so happy that I've decided to break out into a song:

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I touch you,
That is how my heart will go on.
Near Far, Wherever you are, Y
ou will stay in my heart and
My heart will go on and on.
Thank you. Thank you everybody

Results of:

今天,爱丽斯和陈厚结婚. 我们都是真的为他们高兴! 有点惊慌,对育种前景,但一般高兴的是一个很好的描述. 爱丽丝问我发言的国语. 我的第一反应当然, "你的妈妈" ,其次是"你的脂肪对接" , " dumbass " (我猜是没有翻译dumbass . 也许笨驴) . 那是以前发现我的魔力谷歌翻译. 这是消息来源的精彩演讲,你今天听到的. 所以我很高兴能来到这里. 我很高兴,我决定爆发成一首歌:

每晚在梦中
我看见你,我碰到你,
那是怎样我的心还将继续下去.
近远,您身在何处,
你会留在我的心和
我的心将继续下去.

谢谢. 谢谢大家

(and for the Taiwanese freak)

今 天,愛麗斯和陳厚結婚 . 我們都是真的為他們高興 ! 有點驚慌 ,對育種前景,但一般高興的是一個很好的描述. 愛麗絲問我發言的國語 . 我的第一反應當然 , "你的媽媽 " ,其次是"你的脂肪對接 " , " dumbass " (我猜是沒有翻譯 dumbass . 也許笨驢 ) . 那是以前發現我的魔力谷歌翻譯 . 這是消息來源的精彩演講 ,你今天聽到的. 所以我很高興能來到這裡 . 我很高興 ,我決定爆發成一首歌:

每晚在夢中
我看見你,我碰到你,
那是怎樣我的心還將繼續下去.
近遠 ,您身在何處 ,
你會留在我的心和
我的心將繼續下去.

謝謝 . 謝謝大家

Grief

“What I want to do as soon as I get through this . . . all of this . . . is basically be too busy. Take too much work. I figure that will get me through.”

-- Joan Didion

Ode to my colleague

You burp
Out loud
Without hesitation
You do it so
Nonchalantly, naturally
Out loud

You burp
Out loud
So that the whole office
cannot help but hear
I wear earphones
My Chemical Romance at
Full Volume
and yet your
Musical Burp
penetrates my beautiful
iPod earphones

You burp
Out loud
Unfailingly everyday
After day
I sit across you
and wait for it
And it comes
everyday

You burp
Out loud
I wish you wouldn't

Random thoughts on Freak's Wedding

Just realized, I have to share the MC limelight at Freak's Wedding with a very tall person, so my first task will be to get extremely high heels, and probably a little platform that I can stand on while we talk.

Will also have to remember to talk to the lighting guy, because I heard somewhere that the correct lighting actually makes you look taller/shorter/fatter/less jabba-like.

Also am practicing my Chinese. I've decided on an accent, which is Beijing accent, I just have to find a Beijing person to practice with. My dad would probably be a good candidate. He's not actually from Beijing, but he occasionally likes to have that affected accent because he knows it annoys the crap out of my mom and I.

I have also decided against wearing the Digi man costume, because I'm so sick of their ads now. Instead, I'm going to go as Optimus Prime. But I will have to make my own costume, probably out of manila cardboard and Buncho poster colour. It will be so cool! Betta will help me she's good at arts and crafts.

Also I hope I don't oversleep, as that has happened before.

I have yet to buy a present. Briefly considered wrapping myself in a box with a ribbon... haha! But then decided that they would probably suspect, and not open the box, and I would suffocate and die. Maybe I could make a present... like a slightly-used OPTIMUS PRIME COSTUME...

Ok. I'm super bo liao today.

Script for Freak

Tierrie...

They are coming....

(omnimous muzik)


**************************

On a separate note, I'm quite disturbed that lately, many of my blogs have been very Tierrie-centric. Not only does this reek of sadness, but is also an indication of the empty state of my social life here on the other side of the world that I must reach out across the Pacific (or Atlantic? it's got to be one of them oceans. I just want to say that when I was 15, I won a prize for Geography when I was in school. OK?) to the bloody States for content.

For example, yesterday I found myself covered in flour, reeking of butter. Baking, not one, but multiple cakes and cookies. I am turning into a Domestic Goddess (or judging from the baking results, a minor deity).

I DO NOT bake. I am NOT a Domestic Goddess. But something strange is going on.

Today, I am on leave. And WHAT do I find myself doing on these rarest of days? Blogging. Whipping myself up a very creamy thick hot chocolate for breakfast. Taunting my dog ("You are sOOooOOO fat" but she does not care because she has very high self esteem). Blogging. And now I'm going to the SUPERMARKET, to buy GROCERIES.

Hormonal.

I think I need change again. This cycle kind of turns around once every two years. Which is incredibly destructive for resume building:

Interviewer: Hmmm... I see that you've never really stayed more than 2 years at a job...
Me: Yes. Is that a problem? (bambi eyes)
Interviewer: Why is that?
Me: I was turning into a Domestic Goddess... it was terrible. I don't want to be a Domestic Goddess.
Interviewer: Alright then... what do you want to be?
Me: Optimus Prime.

Me, all dressed up and ready to party