Diminishing sources of non-taxable income

Year 1 Post Return to Malaysia
Me: (Looking sad and depressed, slightly suicidal) Sigh.
Father: Why you so sad?
Me: I'm wallowing in poverty. (Sigh). No money. (Long sad sigh). I can't afford to buy "Item X" which is absolutely crucial for me to get married off/pass my exam/stop going out past midnight/ be a better person/ know God.
Father: Oklah... I buy for you lah.
Me: (happy)

Year 2 Post Return to Malaysia
Me: (Looking sad and depressed, slightly suicidal) Sigh.
Father: (silence)
Me: SIGH
Father: What.
Me: I'm wallowing in poverty. (Sigh). No money. (Long sad sigh). I can't afford to buy "Item X" which is absolutely crucial for me to get married off/pass my exam/stop going out past midnight/ be a better person/ know God.
Father: You spend too much
Me: I earn very little (sad face)
Father: Go away.

Year 3 Post Return to Malaysia
Me: Tierre sounds sad and depressed.
Father: (look of concern and alarm)
Me: Yes. (Sigh). He sounded suicidal. Being all alone in a foreign country is hard on the soul. I might lose my only brother
Father: (heightened look of concern and alarm)
Me: But I think he may be able to reconsider his position with a Canon EOS Digital Revel XT 10.0-Megapixel Digital SLR Camera.

(a day later)
Me: EI! Who bought this Canon EOS Digital Revel XT 10.0-Megapixel Digital SLR Camera!!!
Father: I bought it for Tierrie lah.
Me: Hmph. So unfair!!! You love him more because he is a BOY!!! (crying face)
Father: Okay lah, go and buy your thing lah
Me: (happy)

Mission Accomplished

We are moving

Office that is. For some reason, in my one half years here, I have managed to accumulate a whole mountain of useless documents and files and other assorted knick-knacks. When I started this job, I inherited a small molehill of useless documents and files and other assorted knick-knacks which is now a Mountain! (Achievement? I think yes!! :) ). Other disturbing items I have unearthed while packing:

Half eaten packet of crumbling digestive biscuits: Contemplated just finishing them off instead of having to move them to new office, until remembered that biscuits were purchased about the same time I started work. o_O. Was saved from Death By Digestives experience. Whew.

Medium-large unhappy looking Japanese Doll holding umbrella (broken): Was excessively puzzled by presence of doll until remembered that was farewell present from former colleagues which had to be moved from place of prominence on desk to make was for useless documents and files

A very large packet of rubberbands: Still puzzling

Black pencil case filled with dried up ball point pens, erasers, clips, post-it notes: Was this an abandoned attempt to steal office stationery? Would not put it past myself, although have matured since then and mastered the art of cooly taking things from stationery horde and placing them directly in bag (after office hours)

One used chewing gum wrapped in tissue (spearmint): o_O So gross!!! Why??? Why????

What actually happened

So after having nightmares about my boss giving me fashion lectures, and having the secretary tell me in a very nice motherly manner (but not-so-quiet volume):

"Aiya! Why don't you get new shirts? There is a hole in your armpit you know! Don't think people cannot see!! Some more so many stains. And is that shirt suppose to be white colour or what??" (stares beadily at me)

I decided a wardrobe revamp was in order.

And then I came across this:

Limited Time Value!!! 40% off!!

And my parents are going to the States for 3 weeks, so I decided ok maybe I can order it, send it to Horrible Brother's house, and not have to do work-clothes shopping for at least another TWO YEARS.

That's what happened.

Other than the part where I got a little trigger happy with my mouse and bought over a thousand bucks worth of shirts (small NIGGLING detail).

Not so drama what.

Why I have self esteem issues

Act 1: Nice Pleasant Chirpy Email from Baby Sister to Big Brother asking for Teeny Tiny Weeny Favour

------- Original Message -------
On 6/15/2007 6:09 PM ehk wrote:
Hey brother,

I ordered 6 shirts from Brooks, and need to return 2 because I ordered the wrong fit. Can you please send the two back. It's a plain blue, and a plain white. They should look exactly the same apart from the colour.

I also ordered another oxford white shirt, but don't send that back! Make sure you send the correct white one o_O.

In return I will send you my super canggih badminton racquet. Thanks! You the shit!

SEND THESE TWO BACK

361V NON-IRON NEW CLASSIC SHIRT 1 1
FNBL 02 FOUNTAIN BLUE/01205026


361V NON-IRON NEW CLASSIC SHIRT 1 1
PINK 02 PINK/0120402


Act 2: Horrible Brother Threatens Nice Baby Sister

------- Original Message -------
On 6/21/07, Tierrie wrote:

OH MY FUCKING GOD. YOU PAID 60 BUCKS FOR SHIRTS MADE IN MALAYSIA. MOTHER IS GOING TO KILL YOU. I HAVE TO DISPOSE OF THE INVOICE. YOU OWE ME BIG TIME.


Act 3: Horrible Brother Insults Nice Baby Sister

------- Original Message -------
On 6/21/07, Tierrie wrote:

Also you suck balls at giving instructions. There was only ONE white shirt in it and I was about to return it until I read your email to that customer service. Its a BLUE and a PINK shirt you want returned dumbass

Act 4: Horrible Brother Being Bo Liao

------- Original Message -------
On 6/21/07, Tierrie wrote:

I am still thinking of mean things to say, hang on. This email is just a filler.

Act 4: Horrible Brother Invokes Spirit of Spock - BLASPHEMY!

------- Original Message -------
On 6/21/07, Tierrie wrote:

Ok the process wasn't too hard so I ran out of mean things to say. But according to that thing they will deduct 5.95 for postage.

For christ sakes, don't buy clothes made in Malaysia from America if you live in Malaysia. The stupidity boggles the mind. I mean, if Spock knew about this, he'll be like all "RAWR I FEEL THE PON-FARR FROM THIS LOGICAL STUPIDITY"

I weep for my country

Free Publicity: Selamat Datang Ke Malaysia

shaz has a nu show

You know, because this blog records such incredibly unbelievable readership statistics, I've decided to lend a hand to the not-so-famous Shazzeroni and plug her new exciting upcoming show in Sydney, Australia. Assuming a 50% take-up rate of my readers, this blog will then be able to successfully help HER attract 1.5 persons to her show.

...

Actually, I have to subtract Shaz because she is actually doing the show, so it now becomes 1.0 person. But then when you take the fact that both Person 1.0 and Person 2.0 who are NOT Shaz, do not live in Sydney, that kind of leaves me with... 0 persons.

:(

Dammit. Have to get more readers.

On a more serious note :| - If you DO HAPPEN to be in Sydney, I suggest you check this out. Take pictures with it, and attempt to steal her work from the gallery, because mind you, one day, it will be worth...BILLIONS. I'm not kidding ok. I nick stuff from her All The Time, that's basically my Retirement Plan after having lost faith in Malaysia's Employee Provident Fund (which is doing a shite job).

Young grasshopper

I have recently mastered the art of "Tai Ji Chuan" which is very difficult form of ancient martial arts that is very handy in office environments.

Observe.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Boss: (Summons me into room and shows me large complicated spreadsheet). I want you to analyze all these scenarios and show me to results. I've prepared the table and I'm going to email it over, so all you have to do is run the numbers and fill them in alright?
Me : Ok

Exit boss.

Me: (Picks up phone, and in fierce voice) Oi Financial Advisor. You are on retainer right? Not hourly basis right.
FA: (In very dulan voice) Yes....
Me: Ok. I send you this table ok? You fill it up ok? Faster ok? I still have your check for last month. Hostage. Bai.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Voila! Perfect execution. I'm damn good la.

Hooi-say... I puUuuuuuSh alll my wooork awwwaaaay

Taijichuan, good for lazy bastards like meself.


------------------------------
Emotional Eating Tracker (how i'm faring today)
Bowls of noodles : 4 (hokkien mee x 2, yin yong kong fu chow, yee mee)
Packets of nasi lemak : 1
No. of mentos ice gum bits : 12
Cups of coffee : 2.3 (0.7 sitting on desk, fermenting)
No. visits to masak-masak.blogspot.com : 5

Results: NUGOOT

Emotional eating

Felt so crappy today that I ate:

1. One large chicken
2. Mango salad (small)
3. Beansprouts (large)
4. Starbucks Caramel Frappucino (Grande!!)

Apparently my new subconscious aspiration is to look like Jabba The Hutt

Me - naked and in a philosophical mood

I am now second best

The new Most Bo Liao Blog in the World


lovingly dedicated to betta

The belligerent man emails. Part Deux.

I reply:

Fasher thinks you would like a camera as a present. Specifically a Sibeh Tua Jiak Canon DSLR with will NOT fit into your pocket!! o_O As your loyal baby sister, I will dutifully encourage this train of thought of his, so that you may end up with a very nice swanky new DSLR camera!

And with this wonderful tool you may then take many glorious pictures of our happy family! And we may then frame those glorious pictures on our happy walls and live in perfect contentment forever!!

What a fortunate chain of events!

In return I only ask that you remit US$250 into my bank account. A pittance for a Sibeh Tua Jiak Cannon DSLR!

A pittance I say...

With much love and affection,

Your baby sister -- who lives in abject poverty :(

....

The belligerent man emails...

Tierrie speaks:

Hope the exam went well. Can't really tell from your blog. You feel like crap everytime you take an exam then ace it. So what I saying is that your female intuition is like that stormtrooper from star wars -- wildly inaccurate.

What did you have sent over here? If its alcohol or drugs I will be taking them myself. Or if it is anything more than $100 I might also keep it. Tough luck.


....

This is why we don't live in the same country '-_-

Out of the frying pan...

The Exam
So the dreaded CFA exams have a cometh and a goethe. Sunday was quite possibly the worst exam I have taken in my entire life. For some strange reason, they herded us into the room a good 45 minutes before the exam was to begin, and I had to just sit there and simmer in ever escalating fear. The girl seated next in such shock that when I said hi, all she could do was grunt and shift her seat a little further away from me. Ok-lor.

Amongst the doodlings in my exam paper, " MonKay. MONKAY. MooOOnKAaaay. Save me"

Post-Exam
I don't feel like doing anything anymore. Talking. Going out. Work. Nothing. This is very familiar territory for me. And it fills me with nothing but dread as I see the path ahead of me, and feel the force of fate nudging me into its deep recesses.

Perhaps now would be a great time to adopt a religion.