Big Boss's Version of Moses

Why didn't Moses get into the promised land? Because all his bloody followers keep complaining lah, no water lah, this lah, that lah.

So... Moses ask God. God said, touch the rock.

Moses go and touch the rock. And no water come out. So he get kan cheong and frustrated and angry.

So the bugger starts to wallop the rock.

And then water comes out. But then God say, you cannot go to the promise land because you kan cheong.

Moral of the story is: you must be CALM

Sometimes, I really love my Big Boss >_<

Wawawiwa

Ahem..

Freaky Alice has asked me to be the MC for her wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've started working on my opening remarks:

"Guests! Parents! Aunties! Uncles! Friends! Waiters! AV guy! Photo man! Random people who have accidentally wandered into this wedding hall! Welcome to Freaky Alice and Freaky Hou's Big Night! On this day, they are joined in Holy Matrimony, or should I say, UN-holy Matrimony (insert look of alarm here). And I say that because of the Freaky Babies that will spawn from this joining of two very Freaky individuals.

Before I begin, I would like to thank Freaky Alice for giving me this opportunity to be her MC. Obviously Freaky Alice has not hung out with me for a long time, and has forgotten what I actually am like in real life, or she would have known better!! But I am here, so it is too late (insert evil laughter)."


That's all I thought of so far.

But I think its quite good for a start.

I'm going to get rave reviews for my performance, like Jon Stewart at the Oscars

Me at Alice's Wedding - suave and professional

I'm also contemplating designs for my outfit. Currently something a'la the Digi Yellow Man is the frontrunner

My Wedding MC Outfit

Secret Thought

As I was muddling along in my car to deutsche, suddenly this motorcycle sputtered in front of me. It was spewing the most toxic and foul smelling crap in the air, obviously the Psycho Biker was one of the many Malaysian Psycho Bikers who like to add weird stuff like sawdust and kerosene into their tanks for reasons unknown!! (Why do they do this? Can someone enlighten me? Why doesn't the police throw them all in jail, or send them to exile in Jinjang? Why? Why?Why?)

Any my secret thought was I wanted to speed up and nudge him (just a little), so that I would send him flying all the way back to Johor Bahru where his number plate said he was from, or at least send him sprawling (safely) to the sidewalk.

That was my secret thought, and I harbored it for the entire 30 minute drive to my destination.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Special Dedication to K-TFCW-J

Also I would like to reaffirm my hatred for Khairy-The-Fat-Construction-Worker-Jamaluddin. Can someone please get this guy to stop greasing his hair with Minyak Neptune, and shave that grossly misshapen thing on his upper lip. And at the same time please also get him to shut up about racial politics. Its just as if he's making up things to stir up as he goes along. Just as people are settling down again, along you come to further your devious political ambitions. If anything good is to come of this man, it will be that he will galvanize the younger generation to storm into politics just so that we can cart his fat ass out of there.

And your ass is getting bigger and bigger! I see it! We all see it! It's all that money that you're gorging on isn't it?? Do you even have a joB? What is your joB??? I don't understand? What do you do for MONEY? To feed yourself, and jetset around with your horses and other playthings? I guess being a full-time Prime Minister's Son-In-Law must pay more than investment banking.
AAAAAAAAAAAARGHK. I just spoiled my own morning thinking about his fatass.

Shopping List

As my bonus money crawls up from the dead chasm that is the Shanghai Stock Exchange Freak Out, I have amassed a list of things that I plan to buy as soon as I make a hundred bucks from my fraught filled outing with Bursa.


1. Set of Monkton Toys (remember the Hamster?)

(Bottom Left) The "Madness Hamster" by Edward Monkton: Every night they visit you, Every night they come, and bit by bit they steal your brain, and feed it to their mum

2. Dog Smile Fetch Toy

Ever suffer from hang dog expressions? Get tired of your pooch looking depressed all the time?

3. (and I've save the best for the last) THE FLYING MONKAY!

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO! It's a FLYING MONKAY!

The Perfect Cubicle Entertainment Centre!!!

Relationship with Bursa Sorely Tested

Day dreams

My boyfriend, Hiro Nakamura

My First Date with Bursa

Random thoughts

So on the werewolf thing, I wouldn't be the nasty type of werewolf, but more of the genial friendly neighbourhood type. I would only use my werewolfishness to stare menacingly at people who make me fed-up, but not actually bite them per se, because that would taste nasty.

In general, I would just roam about scaring birds and dogs, and do wild loping bounding joyful runs in the wilderness. This is not acceptable behaviour as a human, therefore I need to be a werewolf to do this with credibility. Also I would not bite people, because that would just reduce the overall uniqueness of being a werewolf by introducing other people into the gene pool.

Also I would have very nice fur, unlike the mangy matted look made infamous by your typical Hollywood horror movie. My fur would be soft and well groomed, and free of bits of leaves and clotted blood. Classy!

....

Am a bit sad

because I can see the full moon from where I am. Went out for a bit to stare at it and bathe in its gentle light.

After a while, was disappointed when I didn't turn into a werewolf, so I went back in.

Nostalgia

In an attempt to work on the Sabbath day, I was subconsciously thwarted when a the evil little pixie inside my head made me leave all the important information I needed at home. So here I am, all equipped to be very productive, and I have been thwarted.

Can't say I'm too displeased about it really...

...

Last night for some reason I was compelled to buy the DVDs to NBC's new hit series, Heroes. I told myself I would watch ONE episode and then start on my alarmingly overdue. I ended up with blood shot eyes at four am, glued to the idiot box, occasionally reaching out to gulp down cough syrup. Eventually my mom came out and yelled at me, so I was forced to go upstairs. But her coming out was extremely timely, because it was the end of the DVD No. 4, Episode 11, FALLING OUT, where they have caught the EVIL SYLAR (who sucks everybody's power) but he has kind of sort of broken out, and Peter Petrelli (the sensitive new age hospice guy who doesn't really have powers of his own) has just found out that HE WILL DESTROY THE WORLD.

All in all it was a very good show.

I have to say, since watching it, I've been thinking about De-Al (?)'s powers, which is my favourite. Where you can sort of step through solid objects, like walking through walls, and reaching through metal doors. Specifically for me, this would come in useful so that I can reach into the ATM machine to take money when my bank account is low. (That was the only use for the power I could think of... I guess I don't really deserve super powers anyway).

Wait... just thought of another use too, today, I was lying down on the couch, and the remote control was on the other side of the table, blocked by the back of the couch. Now if I had the super power, I would have been able to reach through the couch to get the remote control. But due to the unfairness of the universe, I had to get up, walk around, pick up the remote, and settle down back on the couch, which was such a waste of time, energy and a source of frustration.


Random pictures (from the depths of my old picture vaults.

Bee, in her younger days when she was a bundle of innocent doggy enthusiam. Now she is older, wiser and more crafty, liberally using her feminine doggy wiles to get bits of food and getting out of doggy trouble

Oh how she hated that bell. Squirrels could tell she was coming a mile away...