I REALLY SHOULD FINISH MY WORK...

I really should be working on my presentation, which is due TOMORROW.

But what I really want to do is post pictures of my Delhi trip online!!! :D.

...

Actually its not really that I want to post pictures, it's just that I don't really want to do work. :(

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INTERESTING FACTOID NO. 1: If you take my salary, and divide it by the number of actual PRODUCTIVE hours of work I put in, I think I actually get paid more Bill Gates. Only a purely per unit basis of course

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Anyway, so I popped over to Delhi for a meeting, and was quite trigger happy with my camera.

Imperial Hotel, New Delhi - Super canggih expensive colonial fantasy playground

The Imperial Hotel is like a colonialist's wet dream come true. Straight out from those English history books, complete with an incredibly Tall and Scary Looking Singh door man in full resplendent uniform and pictures of dead English royalty all over the place.

Left of Super Singh Warrior

I so wanted to take a picture of this Ginormous Singh Doorman with a FANTASTIC moustache. He was twice my height and looked like a Super Warrior Man. But anyway I chickened out because it is in my nature to be a pansy, and I really didn't want him to eat me.

Pretty but useless picture of flower - an exercise in randomness


Favourite picture - Sigh...

Also, we went for a mini-excursion around Delhi and ended up at a UNESCO World Heritage Site - Humayan's Tomb, which is like a MASSIVE INCREDIBLE TOMB that some Moghul Emperor built for his wife. (Or so says our driver o_O)

Entry into Humayan's Tomb - An Exercise in Over-Compensating for Not Talking to Your Wife While She Was Alive

I have to find myself a Moghul Emperor to marry.

I WANT THIS RAT!!!!

Oh my god

OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT

Conversation with boss

Boss: Hey, before you leave, can you print a copy of the presentation so that I can go over it on the plane?

Me: (Trapped deer in headlights look)

Boss: Thanks! See you!


OHshiteohshiteohshiteohshite... the only difference between the current version today, and the one he saw yesterday was that I played around with the text size and colors.

fuck.

FREAKY DREAMS and COMPLAINTS

I had this really freaky dream where my boss sat me down seriously and told me that should get myself some new clothes because on the job we tend to meet alot of people, and it doesn't really reflect very well if I keep wearing the same shirt all the time.

....

IN MY DEFENSE, I do not keep wearing the same ONE shirt ok? I have like five Expensive Shirts. Non-Iron, stylo-Milo, imported from America (but made in malaysia) good lookin shirts! Not the cheapo Cheetah shirts, which are also made in Malaysia, but never get to go overseas for "international exposure" and are therefore more kampung than my Expensive Shirts.

My baju mahal with international exposure

Understand?

So I have five shirts ok. And there are five days in a week ok. (Until I started working here, where they sneaked in a half day on Saturday... I don't want to talk about it. I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT OK?). So I don't understand, I don't wear the same shirt. I have one pink, one blue, one green with stripes, blue with stripes and pink with stripes.

I don't know what prompted this nightmare about this fashion lecture from my boss. Ugk.

Anyway I also wanted to complain for the day that, if you ask someone to do a presentation, and then you end up reverting to your old presentation, with stories that you told people Last Year, and you are hoping to tell them again This Year, and praying like crazy that they don't dig up your old presentation from their files and realize it's the same presentation with the dates changes and some new numbers, really you shouldn't ask the person to spend time and effort to do the new presentation in the first place.

I think my evil maniacal control freaky supervisor from my old job has been talking to my nice easygoing new one and luring him to the Dark Side. I must stop this.

CHENNAI, PADI FIELDS and GEORGE

George, looking dopey like he always does




Here is my all time favourite picture from the Madras trip. I like to call him, George. George is, the world's dopiest looking dinosaur. There is no other dinosaur in the world that looks as dopey as George, which I find so completely endearing. Also, he just stands there all day. I wonder how many pictures is George in, all over the world. He must be so sick of all the over exposure.
























How George fits into the BCG Matrix


























Chennai Museum - Tertutup Untuk Renovasi



This was one of the many buildings of the Chennai Museum. I don't really know how we ended up at a museum. I suppose this is what happens when you give a bunch of engineers free time. They naturally gravitate towards the most boring of places.

Actually, I really liked the museum. It's nothing like our Muzium Negara (which incidentally smells of pee) but rather a series of buildings. Some of which are really so incredibly old and beautiful, and some of which were obviously built in the 60s, an era during which all architects ran away to live in hippy villages so all the engineers took over and designed buildings which is why 60s architecture is a blight on the entire human civilization.

Anyway I digress.

Most of the buildings were closed for renovation. Which prompted me colleagues to start calculating the exact amount of refund we should request for based on the proportion of buildings that were closed.

o_O

We decided the number was about 40% but none of us wanted to get shouted at by fierce security guards so we just left it at that. Engineers are all pansies.





















One of my favourite exhibits - An exercise in complete randomness

The toilet bowl was definitely one of my favourite exhibits. It was an exercise in complete randomness in that it did not fit in with any of the other exhibits, had no explanatory signage (other than a PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH), and was located right smack in the middle of the hall. I LOVED IT!


I wasn't really expecting anything going into Andhra Pradesh's countryside. I guess in a small way, I was expecting a National Geographic in-person special on the poverty and strife of starving farming villages.

Perhaps they are.

But it was just so beautiful seeing the smiling ladies in their saris.







Note: I got frustrated trying to format the page so in my boundless wisdom decided to fix the problem by changing the template. My idiocy surprises myself.

WHY IT'S GROSS TO BE KHAIRY JAMALUDDIN

So gross to be this man


1. Looks like a construction worker, but flabbier

2. Oily hair

3. Has dead rat glued to the underside of his chin passed off as "goatee"

4. Is evil

YOU KNOW WHAT I REALLY HATE??????

MAKING LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS.

I hate it more than wet sweaty underwear after sports.

I hate it more than having my mom go through my personal stuff when I'm not around.

I hate it more than finding dog poo on my toilet carpet in the morning.

I hate it more than the bank account mysteriously telling me I have no money left.

I hate it more than getting many large unsightly zits on my face, at the same time, right before an important meeting or date.

I hate it more than I hate urban sprawl, highways and traffic jams.

I hate it more than people offerings unsolicited advice.

I hate it more than watered down beer.

I hate it more than Britney Spears.

....

But between making a life changing decision and Khairy Jamaluddin, I still hate Khairy more.

So there are worse things in life than being forced to make a Life Changing Decision.

And that is to Be Mr. Khairy Jamaluddin.

Poor dude.

TOMORROW I AM

Going to India.

To be very specific, Madras, or as my know-it-all Indian friends like to call it "Chennai". Just to irritate them, I will call it, Madras. Like how you can irritate Chinese people by calling their capital city "Peking" (pronounced: peeking, like Peeking Tom).

Or how you can irritate people by calling Teluk Intan, Teluk "Anson" and Port Klang, Port "Swettenham". But those are getting a little bit moldy because alot of people today, especially the young 'uns don't Get It, and will just think you're an idiot.

I'm always looking for new and innovative ways to irritate people. I think the Madras one is quite good and so I will keep that up for a while.

Another way to irritate my Indian friends is to not know anything about the geography of India. Somehow this particularly irks them, especially if you don't know that Tamil Nadu is in the south, Madras is the capital of Tamil Nadu, and that Sri Lanka and Bangladesh are actually completely different countries.

The fact that Sri Lanka and Bangladesh are completely different countries always amazes me. It is the one nugget of information that I make an active effort to forget, so that when people tell me this, I can be surprised again, and up the Irritant Factor. Also another nugget of interesting information is that with Global Warming, there will one day be No More Bangladesh, which is very sad because it is the home ground of the great Nobel Laureate, Muhammad Yunus, Father of Micro-Finance.

Also I had a piece of very good Weight Loss advice, which is to Eat Indiscriminately in India.

Better than Marie France no?

FUNNY HOW

Work is dead boring.

When I say work is dead boring, I actually mean that if I put a corpse in my chair, nobody would notice anything unless it started to reek a little. Even then, all that would happen is perhaps someone would gently advise the corpse not to eat petai in the office and leave it at that.

Yes. I've been chastised for eating petai in the office before.

....

Of course this begs the question, why were you eating petai in an office???

with confined air circulation???

... FOR BREAKFAST?!!!

I think I was just trying to be the office Bad Boy/Girl with the petai eating fiasco. Instead of punk hair, tatoos and a billion piercings, I went for petai, because it is Uniquely Malaysian, cheaper and causes less physical pain to myself. So that was little old me, being rebellious.

Anyway, I digress.

I've spent the past eight months of my life being a professional Shrinkerer. Basically what happens is someone throws me a medium to large document and *I* have to shrink it to a couple of pages. This is where taking the "Rumusan" part of the PMR Bahasa Malaysia paper comes in very handy. Yay to KBSM! Which now no longer exists. I am a dinosaur :(

Then again at least I didn't take the SRP!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god, you have to be REALLY ancient, like amoeba level to have taken the SRP.

Anyway, so at the office, sometimes things get really funky and exciting and I have a make a pretty presentation. I'm really glad that people appreciate my pretty presentations. It makes me really proud of the fact that I worked my way to one of the top civil engineering schools in the US, sacrificed my Social Life to the God of Education, pretty much put on 100 lbs during the process, weedled my way to a scholarship for my Masters, nearly killed myself finishing my bloody thesis, picked up all sorts of dysfunctional habits along the way that I'm still trying to get rid of, finally graduated ... all so that I could come home to make your pretty PowerPoint presentations.

In fact, I'm so proud that I'm going home and print meself a t-shirt that says:

" I'M A POWER POWERPOINT USER"

which both conveys my skills at PowerPoint and a clever play on words at the same time.

God I can't believe I'm such a Genius.

In fact, I'm no longer going to maintain a resume, but will instead replace it with a super canggih powerpoint presentation which will chronicle all my achievements to date, WITH SOUND EFFECTS.

Just the other day I attended the company's annual internal conference. This year the theme was:

"In Pursuit of Execellence"

I swear "Execellence" was printed on every damned attendee notebook, brochure, and file that was handed out to every damned person. And we had the front cover of the brochure on this super huge ass screen in the auditorium, and there it was, my great company, in pursuit of EXECELLENCE.

I would never have let such a thing happen. I would have made it:

" In Pursuit of World Domination"

or

" Becoming Awesomely Powerful"

or what the message management REALLY WANTED to say

" We Are Having This Conference For You, The Employee, So That You Don't Start Asking Questions About How Much You Get Paid And Why We Make You Work Saturdays. Instead You Will Be In Awe of How God Has Blessed You With The Good Fortune To Be Working For This Company. After The Conference, When We Snap Our Fingers, You Will Want To Work Overtime.... All The Time. And Never Ask For Pay Increase Again..."

CELEBRITY BLOGGERS

Bored to the ends of my little toes at work, I am reduced to trawling through websites, blogs.

Came across Mr. Malaysian Celebrity Blogger Kenny Sia who also writes for KLue.


Blurbs from his site:

6 Feb 2006 Because Good Girls Like Bad Guys

Yes, envy. Who wouldn't be envious of guys who can have one girl in each arm? After all, one hole is good, but two holes are better than one.


25 May 2005 Why I Should Date Singaporean Girls

1. Singaporean girls have fantastic fashion sense
2. Singaporean girls have a good sense of humour
3. Singaporean girls are more open about their sexuality
4. Singaporean girls are capable of forming their own opinion
5. Singaporean girls know how to party
6. Singaporean girls are health conscious
7. Singaporean girls are more financially independent

Note: Implying of course that Malaysian girls are none of the above.

These were among the first couple of posts I'd read, and I stopped after that because it was getting a little depressing. Depressing because in a fair an just world he would be completely ostracized from society for being completely crass and vulgar, yet in this one, he becomes a CELEBRITY BLOGGER.