MY BIRTHDAY WISH LIST: ITEM 1

For my birthday, I would like:



Thanks

OH AREN'T WE PRETTY?

I'm so pretty.
Oh so pretty.
I'm so pretty.
And witty...
And gaaaaaaaay

THE PERFECT MAN

So strong... yet so vulnerable

THE PERFECT MAN

Naked and chained to a lightbulb

AN IMAGINARY CONVERSATION

Person: (handing me flyer) Would you like to...

Me: NO. I would NOT like to join your fitness center. For various reasons. Number one, I already have a fitness center membership. Number two, I think your fitness center is sucks and Number Three this is the oh my god, I don't know, BILLIONTH time you've asked me. Just because you ask the SAME question in different intonations, on different days, does not mean that I will not RECOGNIZE you, and remember distinctly that YESTERDAY just YESTERDAY you asked me the same question, to which I politely said NO. And now, I want to stab you.

(and then I stab him)

MURUNGNESS

How long can one pretend to work?

Today, I will try to break my own personal record of doing absolutely nothing except things which are strictly non-work related from now (3:14pm) till the end of the working day.

Now it's 3:16 pm and I have 1 hr and 54 mins left to go.

Which is not very long in the big scheme of things.

Not very long at all.