MY SERIOUS BLOG

Today’s Serious Topic of Discussion:

Procrastination at Work – How To Recognize A Disorder and Treat It

Introduction to NRGW

Procrastination at work is a very serious issue. Many companies are blissfully unaware of the extent of procrastination that occurs at work on a daily basis. This means that many companies are in fact paying many of their workers to do Non-Revenue Generating Work (NRGW).

Studies¹ estimate that over 10% of total working hours are spent on NRGW. However, with the lack of immediate supervision (for example, when a worker’s immediate boss goes to a neighboring city we shall refer to as J-a-k-a-r-t-a on work trips), such NRGW levels spike to an astounding 90%!

Here is a chart that graphically shows what I have just described, just in case you (dear reader) have problems with big words like “astounding” and “%”.

Figure 1. Level of NRGW vs. Geographical Distance of Immediate Supervisor to NRGW Culprit

For the rest of this scientific article, we will continuously refer to two things, the Swamp Thing, and Spiderman. Ok. No. We will continually refer to two things, the offender of NRGW, henceforth to be known as, the “Culprit” and the supervisor, from now on to be known as “Boss”. With reference to Figure, the cool yellow dots along the NRGW line (which has been scientifically derived using a very steady hand in PowerPoint) each represent Something. In fact, here is a list of the Somethings that they represent:

Something No. 1 – Boss is in very close proximity to Culprit. Probably so close that he can smell the fear reeking from Culprit’s millions of pores². Probably standing in front of Culprit’s table. Probably asking something along the lines of “where is that report I asked you to complete last week”

Something No. 2 – Boss is not in smelling distance of Culprit, but very close. Probably in cubicle about 5 feet away. Close enough to listen closely to the sounds emanating from Culprit’s table. (Tense silence interspersed with curse words = Work; Strange awkward silence with intermittent guilty sounding mouse clicking = NRGW Alert!!, to which situation will revert back to 1 within a period of a few seconds)

Something No. 3 – Boss is in same building, but probably many floors away. He cannot smell Culprit. He cannot hear Culprit. But there is the element of uncertainty and tense anticipation, as in he may walk in at ANY MINUTE and surprise Culprit in the middle of an NRGW period. Therefore Culprit cannot NRGW as she pleases, and must be very cautious.

Something No. 4 – Boss is NOT IN THE COUNTRY. At point No. 4, it does not matter whether Boss is in neighboring country, or on The Moon, because he is now classified as being Very Far Away. And because Culprit probably sits next to the secretary and knows his schedule very well, Boss cannot walk in on her at some inopportune moment. The moment is prime for NRGW-ing

And so ends the description of the pretty little chart above.

Now that we have describe what NRGW is, and how it is related to the geographical distance of Boss to Culprit, we will now explore the origins of NRGW.

The Origins of NRGW

NRGW has been thought to originate from sapien beings, like homo sapiens or super sapiens (a documentary about a sapien named Hellboy who tries to avenge the death of his father. Sad. Very Sad). Generally, animals are not prone to NRGW. This can of course be attributed to the fact that they simply do not in fact involve themselves in Revenue Generating Work (unless you are a circus bear, then I’m sorry). But to dismiss it as just that is short sighted, and frankly stupid. Animals do not participate in NRGW because they are not smart enough to do it!! There is no research backing up this particular hypothesis, but if you focus very hard, and concentrate all your brain power on it (to the point where you have a blinding migraine) you will find that I speak the truth. Do Not Doubt Me! (thunder)

So now we have covered the origins of NRGW

Now, because I am a bit bored of this, I will put up a cute little men at work sign, to indicate that this site is UNDER CONSTRUCTION which is an excuse for me to run away from writing this now, under the pretense that I will one day return to finish it.

LAST UPDATED: Jan 2007

¹ Okay, one study. With one sample. Yes that sample happens to be me (purely coincidental). However, because I have footnoted it, and declared it, it is now a widely acceptable and ‘scientific’ survey result. Like the Reader’s Digest Friendliest Cities of The World Survey (for morons)

² I have about a GILLION BILLION pores.