FUNNY HOW

Work is dead boring.

When I say work is dead boring, I actually mean that if I put a corpse in my chair, nobody would notice anything unless it started to reek a little. Even then, all that would happen is perhaps someone would gently advise the corpse not to eat petai in the office and leave it at that.

Yes. I've been chastised for eating petai in the office before.

....

Of course this begs the question, why were you eating petai in an office???

with confined air circulation???

... FOR BREAKFAST?!!!

I think I was just trying to be the office Bad Boy/Girl with the petai eating fiasco. Instead of punk hair, tatoos and a billion piercings, I went for petai, because it is Uniquely Malaysian, cheaper and causes less physical pain to myself. So that was little old me, being rebellious.

Anyway, I digress.

I've spent the past eight months of my life being a professional Shrinkerer. Basically what happens is someone throws me a medium to large document and *I* have to shrink it to a couple of pages. This is where taking the "Rumusan" part of the PMR Bahasa Malaysia paper comes in very handy. Yay to KBSM! Which now no longer exists. I am a dinosaur :(

Then again at least I didn't take the SRP!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god, you have to be REALLY ancient, like amoeba level to have taken the SRP.

Anyway, so at the office, sometimes things get really funky and exciting and I have a make a pretty presentation. I'm really glad that people appreciate my pretty presentations. It makes me really proud of the fact that I worked my way to one of the top civil engineering schools in the US, sacrificed my Social Life to the God of Education, pretty much put on 100 lbs during the process, weedled my way to a scholarship for my Masters, nearly killed myself finishing my bloody thesis, picked up all sorts of dysfunctional habits along the way that I'm still trying to get rid of, finally graduated ... all so that I could come home to make your pretty PowerPoint presentations.

In fact, I'm so proud that I'm going home and print meself a t-shirt that says:

" I'M A POWER POWERPOINT USER"

which both conveys my skills at PowerPoint and a clever play on words at the same time.

God I can't believe I'm such a Genius.

In fact, I'm no longer going to maintain a resume, but will instead replace it with a super canggih powerpoint presentation which will chronicle all my achievements to date, WITH SOUND EFFECTS.

Just the other day I attended the company's annual internal conference. This year the theme was:

"In Pursuit of Execellence"

I swear "Execellence" was printed on every damned attendee notebook, brochure, and file that was handed out to every damned person. And we had the front cover of the brochure on this super huge ass screen in the auditorium, and there it was, my great company, in pursuit of EXECELLENCE.

I would never have let such a thing happen. I would have made it:

" In Pursuit of World Domination"

or

" Becoming Awesomely Powerful"

or what the message management REALLY WANTED to say

" We Are Having This Conference For You, The Employee, So That You Don't Start Asking Questions About How Much You Get Paid And Why We Make You Work Saturdays. Instead You Will Be In Awe of How God Has Blessed You With The Good Fortune To Be Working For This Company. After The Conference, When We Snap Our Fingers, You Will Want To Work Overtime.... All The Time. And Never Ask For Pay Increase Again..."