FATE

As many of you may know (or not, you ignorant miscreants) the only thing that sets me apart from Eei Hui, our woman's national double badminton player, is the extra i and the lack of an e.

Of course, this slight oversight in naming has led to us taking very different paths in life, with me ending up as an overweight midget person trapped in a cubicle, and her as a national player in full blazing glory.

This can of course be attributed to the extra "i" she has: Incredible Badminton Super Power Player, and the extra "e" that I have: Ergonomically Challenged, which has brought us to where we are today.

And that is the thought that has consumed 62.7% of my thoughts today. 10% of my thoughts have been consumed by the Mystery of the Disappearing Nasi Lemak Man. My favourite nasi lemak guy, who scratches himself while using his hands to plonk timun into my nasi lemak is missing from his usual spot. It is a Mystery, and worthwhile of a full blown Investigation.

Normal people may dismiss this as a normal Ramadan incident, but NO. Someone has kidnapped my favourite Nasi Lemak Man.

Here is a list of prime suspects:

1. Char Siew seller in kopitam. Motive: because nobody wants to buy the gross looking wan tan mee when they have awesome nasi lemak

2. My father. Motive: he has been not so subtly pointing out the increasingly largening size of my tummy

3. Potrait painter on jalan bukit bintang. Motive: Dodgy looking bastard.

So there you have it... 72.7% of what has consumed my thoughts today.